Well, if I were going to choose someone who demonstrates competent communication in the context of family issues, it would be my basically "adopted mother" Donna. We call her "Mom", "Auntie Donna" and sometimes "Mimi". When I was in college, I would come home for breaks and vacations to Auntie Donna's house to live since my family moved away to another state and so she was like my adopted mom. What was different about her kind of communication was that it was the first experience I had with unconditional love and acceptance and this influenced the kind of communication we had. I will always remember having an argument with her and I must have looked terrified because as we were hashing things out, she looked at me and said, "Cari, I need you to know that even though we are having a fight, I still love you." This was a very powerful statement for me at this time because my past had taught me that when I became too difficult, I was no longer worth the trouble. To hear that regardless of my behavior or my attitude, she was going to love me no matter what? This was a life changing realization for me.
When it comes to my own children, I use this same kind of philosophy. My oldest just turned 12 and we have had this conversation already, that no matter how he behaves I love him regardless and I always will!! I hope he feels the safety and the love that I felt when Auntie Donna said it to me. It also made me feel important and I always want my kids to feel important enough to me that I will never walk away from them or forget about them and that I am always here for them. They may not like what I have to say all the time but I will always be truthful and I will always have their best interest at heart, This is the kind of communication I want to have with most people. I want to be honest and open and loving because I believe the average person really appreciates it. As do I.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Professional Hopes and Goals - week 8
Over the past eight weeks we have learned about diversity and equity in the field of early childhood. I have one major hope for myself as a result of this class and it is this:
I hope to continue to learn about the issues related to diversity and equity for my whole career and to never stop! The issues that come with diversity alone are so broad but also so important that it seems a little daunting to me to face them at all but I know they are so important for the future of our country and the future for our children.
The goal I would set for the field of early childhood would be to make diversity training mandatory for all directors and assistant directors out there. We need to have leaders that care about this issue and that have a passion and a vision for change so we can have a brighter future.
Lastly, I would like to thank those of you who are reading this post for sharing your stories, life experiences and your questions with me. If we all take the time to learn from each other, and truly listen to each other's perspective, I believe we can be part of the future of change. Thank you so much for teaching me about your perspectives and for listening to my stories as well. I wish you good luck in the next class, maybe I will see you there!? Take care!
I hope to continue to learn about the issues related to diversity and equity for my whole career and to never stop! The issues that come with diversity alone are so broad but also so important that it seems a little daunting to me to face them at all but I know they are so important for the future of our country and the future for our children.
The goal I would set for the field of early childhood would be to make diversity training mandatory for all directors and assistant directors out there. We need to have leaders that care about this issue and that have a passion and a vision for change so we can have a brighter future.
Lastly, I would like to thank those of you who are reading this post for sharing your stories, life experiences and your questions with me. If we all take the time to learn from each other, and truly listen to each other's perspective, I believe we can be part of the future of change. Thank you so much for teaching me about your perspectives and for listening to my stories as well. I wish you good luck in the next class, maybe I will see you there!? Take care!
Saturday, June 16, 2012
Welcoming a Family from Around the World Week 7
If I was going to have the time to welcome a new child to my class from another country (like Taiwan for example) in a way that would make the child and his/her family feel welcomed and important I would do the following:
1. Before the family arrived, I would make a few of the pictures we use in the classroom and label with the written word, labeled with the words in their native language.
2. Next I would try to have the child's name on his/her cubby, labeled both in English and Mandarin so the child's home culture could be recognized as being important as well as his new English speaking culture.
3. I would try to research the country where the student was from like the geography of Taiwan and what the culture there is like in order to familiarize myself so I can help the child feel welcome.
4. Another thing that I think would be important would be to be sure to read through the file carefully of the child entering. Our entrance interview would be very informative about the child himself and it would help me learn about him personally not just the country he came from.
5. Lastly, I would try to learn how to say a few phrases like "Good morning" and "Goodbye" in mandarin so I could great the parents every morning in their own language and say goodbye as well. I think this would make them realize that they are important enough for me to do some research about and that I want to learn about them and connect with them.
Not only will these preparations benefit me by expanding my knowledge and making me more sensitive to cultural similarities, but they will also allow the family to see that I am trying. This will be beneficial because it will create a foundation of trust and openness that I would want with all of the families in my class.
1. Before the family arrived, I would make a few of the pictures we use in the classroom and label with the written word, labeled with the words in their native language.
2. Next I would try to have the child's name on his/her cubby, labeled both in English and Mandarin so the child's home culture could be recognized as being important as well as his new English speaking culture.
3. I would try to research the country where the student was from like the geography of Taiwan and what the culture there is like in order to familiarize myself so I can help the child feel welcome.
4. Another thing that I think would be important would be to be sure to read through the file carefully of the child entering. Our entrance interview would be very informative about the child himself and it would help me learn about him personally not just the country he came from.
5. Lastly, I would try to learn how to say a few phrases like "Good morning" and "Goodbye" in mandarin so I could great the parents every morning in their own language and say goodbye as well. I think this would make them realize that they are important enough for me to do some research about and that I want to learn about them and connect with them.
Not only will these preparations benefit me by expanding my knowledge and making me more sensitive to cultural similarities, but they will also allow the family to see that I am trying. This will be beneficial because it will create a foundation of trust and openness that I would want with all of the families in my class.
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Bias, Prejudice and Oppression - Week - 6
This assignment is interesting to me because it made me think of a social experiment my middle school teachers conducted using my seventh grade class over twenty years ago. We had been learning about discrimination and the teachers wanted to give us a small look at how it felt to be in the middle of a real situation where people were being discriminated against. Now, keep in mind I went to a very small school with an average class size of about 15 students per grade and I was able to have a very unique schooling experience. That being said, I have not even thought of this particular instance in many years but it definitely made a mark on me personally.
So one day when I went to school, something was very different than the day before. As our morning began, certain kids were made to sit in the back of the classroom. We found this odd but did not say anything as we were not suspecting anything strange was going on...yet. As the day continued, the different treatment of those same students continued and escalated. They went from being made to sit in the back of the classroom, to being made to stand. From being asked to sit by themselves, away from the other students, to being asked to sit alone and not talk to anyone. One of the students being discriminated against was a good friend of mine and I remember feeling so mad at the teachers for treating him unfairly.
By the end of the experiment, I was starting to just join my friend in whatever the alternate activity was, like I remember refusing the chair if my friend was denied a chair and refusing to speak if my friend was forbidden to speak. I was so mad by the end of the experiment, as many of my classmates were, that they actually ended it early. Apparently we were not being cooperative enough. One of the best results from this activity was that we were able to have a very honest discussion about oppression and what we would do if we saw oppression in action, or what we would not do.
Obviously this experiment had a big impact on me. I think the greatest outcome for me was it made me realize that even though I may have gotten in trouble for disobeying a teacher, I cared less about getting in trouble than I did about the poor treatment of my friends. This is true for me to this day. I would rather face consequences for standing up for what I know is right, than see someone being oppressed and not do anything about it.
So one day when I went to school, something was very different than the day before. As our morning began, certain kids were made to sit in the back of the classroom. We found this odd but did not say anything as we were not suspecting anything strange was going on...yet. As the day continued, the different treatment of those same students continued and escalated. They went from being made to sit in the back of the classroom, to being made to stand. From being asked to sit by themselves, away from the other students, to being asked to sit alone and not talk to anyone. One of the students being discriminated against was a good friend of mine and I remember feeling so mad at the teachers for treating him unfairly.
By the end of the experiment, I was starting to just join my friend in whatever the alternate activity was, like I remember refusing the chair if my friend was denied a chair and refusing to speak if my friend was forbidden to speak. I was so mad by the end of the experiment, as many of my classmates were, that they actually ended it early. Apparently we were not being cooperative enough. One of the best results from this activity was that we were able to have a very honest discussion about oppression and what we would do if we saw oppression in action, or what we would not do.
Obviously this experiment had a big impact on me. I think the greatest outcome for me was it made me realize that even though I may have gotten in trouble for disobeying a teacher, I cared less about getting in trouble than I did about the poor treatment of my friends. This is true for me to this day. I would rather face consequences for standing up for what I know is right, than see someone being oppressed and not do anything about it.
Friday, May 25, 2012
Week 4 - Microaggressions
The topic of microaggressions was a new one to me. I have experienced them but I never knew they had a name. The best way to describe a microaggression is by saying that they are those small comments or acts that are insulting but not on purpose. For example, imagine a woman discussing her diet with an acquaintance and during the conversation, she tells the acquaintance she is a vegan. The other woman responds by saying, "Wow, I never would have guessed you were a vegetarian because you seem so well put together." Now, "well put together" is not an insult but the hidden message in there is that most vegetarians are not well put together.
Please pardon the example, I hold nothing against vegetarians, I am simply trying to give an example of a microaggression. Many times these statements are made with regards to people's race or sexual preference but personally, I have experienced them in normal everyday situations that I experience as a wife and mother. Back when I was a stay at home mom, people used to ask me what I did for a living and after telling them I stayed home with my kids, I was often greeted with smiles and "Oh, that must be nice". Now I remember at the time feeling not important because I couldn't share work stories or anything with my working friends and in this kind of situation, I always felt like the person asking would not be able to understand me at all so why try to explain. BUT the reality of the situation was that staying home was nice, but it also required a lot of sacrifice. There was a person kind of being condescending about me not having a job, while my husband and I were going without many things so I could stay with my kids and sow seeds into them as people.
My experiential reality was definitely invalidated during this time and now looking back, I realize why I felt caught and never knew what to say. I did not want to be insulting back, but I also did not want the person I was talking with to completely misunderstand me. This week was a very eye-opening week. It changed my perspective and made me want to try to be very careful about what I say.
Please pardon the example, I hold nothing against vegetarians, I am simply trying to give an example of a microaggression. Many times these statements are made with regards to people's race or sexual preference but personally, I have experienced them in normal everyday situations that I experience as a wife and mother. Back when I was a stay at home mom, people used to ask me what I did for a living and after telling them I stayed home with my kids, I was often greeted with smiles and "Oh, that must be nice". Now I remember at the time feeling not important because I couldn't share work stories or anything with my working friends and in this kind of situation, I always felt like the person asking would not be able to understand me at all so why try to explain. BUT the reality of the situation was that staying home was nice, but it also required a lot of sacrifice. There was a person kind of being condescending about me not having a job, while my husband and I were going without many things so I could stay with my kids and sow seeds into them as people.
My experiential reality was definitely invalidated during this time and now looking back, I realize why I felt caught and never knew what to say. I did not want to be insulting back, but I also did not want the person I was talking with to completely misunderstand me. This week was a very eye-opening week. It changed my perspective and made me want to try to be very careful about what I say.
Saturday, May 19, 2012
Week Three Diversity and Equity
We have been discussing culture and diversity in our third week of class and I asked some of my friends and family member to discuss the definition of both culture and diversity. The answers surprised me and I felt everyone enjoyed the topic and we had some great conversations about culture as a result. The three main people I asked were my brother in law who grew up outside the U.S., my friend who grew up in an Italian-American family and my husband who grew up in a French Canadian family mixed with an English family. I chose these three because I knew their childhood were very different from my own and I respect their thinking and I wanted to see what they said.
Some of the answers I heard while defining culture were words like: race, ethnicity, traditions, food, mind sets, beliefs, geography, religion, social class, spending habits, language, occupation, gender, appearances and values.
Some of the answers given to define the word diversity were: "All of the above." meaning everyone is included, someone said universality and also someone said, acceptance of the differing types of cultures we just spoke of. we learned, we
As far as what we have learned, I was fascinated to hear what my friends had to say given that they do not have any of the background or resources that I do as a grad student. I was actually pretty impressed with their answers. The biggest difference I found was how none of them really discussed the family culture. No one talked about how your parents or the number of siblings you have can influence your culture. Besides that, I was thoroughly impressed with their insight and their candor.
Some of the answers I heard while defining culture were words like: race, ethnicity, traditions, food, mind sets, beliefs, geography, religion, social class, spending habits, language, occupation, gender, appearances and values.
Some of the answers given to define the word diversity were: "All of the above." meaning everyone is included, someone said universality and also someone said, acceptance of the differing types of cultures we just spoke of. we learned, we
As far as what we have learned, I was fascinated to hear what my friends had to say given that they do not have any of the background or resources that I do as a grad student. I was actually pretty impressed with their answers. The biggest difference I found was how none of them really discussed the family culture. No one talked about how your parents or the number of siblings you have can influence your culture. Besides that, I was thoroughly impressed with their insight and their candor.
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Wk 2 Diversity and Equality - Family Culture
Hmmmm. Three items to bring with me to my new home in who knows what country... Only three? Well, my bible is number one. I have notes and memories and I do not want to get to a new country and be without a bible especially given the circumstances under which we would be leaving our home, possibly forever. It also would be important for me to be able to teach my children from it and to ensure they have an understanding of it regardless of where we live.
Item number two would be a photo album I put together with pictures of our entire family. It includes four generations of family members and has writing in it describing who everyone is. This would help my children to know what life was like before the catastrophic event that landed us in this new country and it would help us remember our life before as well.
Lastly, I would bring a large tarp. I know it sounds strange but wherever we are going, we could use a tarp if needed for help keeping cool or staying dry or staying warm. It doesn't necessarily preserve our culture but it would help my family and the practical side of me can't help it. (My husband wanted to bring three different kinds of weapons.) Haha! (My son says that's not funny Mom, that's smart!)
If we arrived and we were told we could only keep one, I would probably take the tarp. I have the word of the Lord in my heart and we could pass our family history down with stories and descriptions. The tarp is the thing that would help my children and I would choose that. As long as we were able to talk, I think we could convey the truth about our family and our history verbally with the best result.
This assignment was interesting. I shared it with my family and we all had very different ideas of what we would bring. The boys were very concerned with survival tools and not as concerned with sentimental items and even I was concerned with keeping my family safe over bringing items for cultural preservation. I am looking forward to reading my classmates to see if they are similar or different than mine.
Item number two would be a photo album I put together with pictures of our entire family. It includes four generations of family members and has writing in it describing who everyone is. This would help my children to know what life was like before the catastrophic event that landed us in this new country and it would help us remember our life before as well.
Lastly, I would bring a large tarp. I know it sounds strange but wherever we are going, we could use a tarp if needed for help keeping cool or staying dry or staying warm. It doesn't necessarily preserve our culture but it would help my family and the practical side of me can't help it. (My husband wanted to bring three different kinds of weapons.) Haha! (My son says that's not funny Mom, that's smart!)
If we arrived and we were told we could only keep one, I would probably take the tarp. I have the word of the Lord in my heart and we could pass our family history down with stories and descriptions. The tarp is the thing that would help my children and I would choose that. As long as we were able to talk, I think we could convey the truth about our family and our history verbally with the best result.
This assignment was interesting. I shared it with my family and we all had very different ideas of what we would bring. The boys were very concerned with survival tools and not as concerned with sentimental items and even I was concerned with keeping my family safe over bringing items for cultural preservation. I am looking forward to reading my classmates to see if they are similar or different than mine.
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